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Unread by CarmenVeloso

Words by edibility

Literature by Bioshutt

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Submitted on
July 7, 2012
File Size
2.6 KB
Mature Content


148 (who?)
Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: violence/gore)
The infomercial had lied to him. It couldn't juice anything.  And by "anything", James wasn't simply contradicting the product slogan "It can juice anything!"


He remained sedentary in the middle of another man's kitchen on blood drenched tile, with the sinking feeling that it truly couldn't juice anything.

Perhaps it was the amount of fat on the bones or the amount of pieces, but to accept the latter would mean admitting a flaw in his calculations. That would be too much.

"Oh no, Big Boy. This one is all your fault." James murmured, scrubbing the bits of Harold Reeves from between a blue and green ceramic plate.

"Harold, Harold," James hummed, "Or perhaps I should call you Abundiantus. Do you know what that means?"

A chunk fell with a plop from the yellow painted wall to the floor beneath it.


"Of course, you don't…" The pile gurgled, partially hanging out of the faulty fruit-juicer. He gave a wry chuckle and quipped, "One really can't blame you. I'm sure that a few pieces of your comprehensive thought are partially soaked into your pant leg...What a catastrophe you are,"

As the rigorous cleansing ensued, James' arm began to ache as he scrubbed and sopped up the mucky, guilty mess that he had made. With a groan, the frustrated man abandoned the task and dropped the sullied rag to the floor with a squish. The juicer was large, and truly did appear powerful, but it seemed that even a genius could make the most obvious of mistakes.

"What a catastrophe you are," he snarled again.

James stripped wordlessly and flung Harold's oversized shirt and pants onto the sofa. He deftly replaced the rags with his own clothing and packed the juicer, sauntering through the lopsided wooden door, and closing it behind him.

Perhaps, he would burn the place down if he ever returned. With a last look at the run-down shack Harold had once dubbed a home, James slid into his car and drove away.

During his travel home, James took a moment to glance forlornly back at his disappointing purchase. He rolled down the window and let the air dry the clumps of blood in his hair.

In the end, he hadn't killed Old Harold. The man had long since passed in his home.

However, who could've said that the aspect of trying out a new, supposedly innovative fruit juicer wasn't tempting?

Certainly not James.
Day 7 for FFM. I'm super late.


As I replied to other comments regarding this, it was my spell-check that turned James' darling, little chuckle into delicious grain. I edit my stories on my mobile at times (because I'm a dufus), and happened to put "ry" instead of "wry" and the phone decided that bread related things was the right way to go. :D I've replace the word with the correct one and am now moving on...
Rest assured, I'm thoroughly embarrassed about that, but since putting this story up, I've gotten my laptop out of repair. (YAY! No more phone editing!)
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Daily Deviation

Given 2013-01-09
Gullibility by ~Schandlich Suggester Writes: Horrific and hilarious; what more could you possibly want? ( Suggested by SilverInkblot and Featured by Beccalicious )
The-RemnantJuice Featured By Owner Jan 25, 2013
*Chuckles :)
kabuto124 Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
what is the correlation between being gullible and mutilation?

You just found out!
Artuition Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Artisan Crafter
WTF did i just read?!

...Whatever it was, I think I liked it ;)
GrammarshineHyena Featured By Owner Jan 9, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
He killed a man... just to test out his new fruit juicer? LOL!!! xD

That story was so awesome. I love it. O3O
DRS2406 Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Professional General Artist
No he did NOT kill him.That´s the whole point of the story.
GrammarshineHyena Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Wait... what? I'm confused...
DRS2406 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Professional General Artist
Read it again,closely.
It sais the old man had already been dead.
And the guy from the story found him and then thought:"Hey if he´s dead already,I can as well test my juicer on him...
GrammarshineHyena Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ohhh... Sorry, I missed that part. :blush: lawl
DRS2406 Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Professional General Artist
Now the story´s even cooler,eh? :iconhowamazingplz:
GrammarshineHyena Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah! xP
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